How to say sorry

One of the skills many people find most challenging is apologising.

It’s also one of the most important skills in business - if not in life. A good apology leaves everyone satisfied and clears a space to move forward. A weak apology, on the other hand, can leave a bitter taste in the mouth of the recipient - a lingering resentment and belief that you were simply trying to look good, rather than take responsibility for whatever required the apology in the first place.

A powerful apology does four things:

• Speaks plainly. “I’m sorry”, not “I regret this unfortunate lapse of judgement”. 
• Takes responsibility: “I made a mistake” not “mistakes were made”.
• May say what you’re doing to put things right. We recently messed up a video testimonial for one of our clients. We offered to re-shoot it at our own expense, an offer that the client didn't expect and was delighted by. (And an entirely appropriate step, given it was our screw up.)
• May also make a promise for the future: “In future I’ll put meetings in my calendar so I don’t forget”. 

A powerful apology does NOT:

• Dramatise the situation. “I’m such an idiot,” is a smokescreen that deflects responsibility by pretending you’re not capable. What's worse, it pretty much confirms that sooner or later the same mistake will happen again.
• Put even part of the responsibility on anyone or anything else. It wasn’t the traffic. It was you. (Even when it WAS the traffic!). Willingness to take full responsibility marks you out as a leader; someone big enough to overcome the many hurdles faced in business, and someone your clients can count on.

Some years ago I was in a media conference with a leading advertising agency. A reporter asked the GM why the agency had recently lost a big account. The GM began talking about “chemistry” and other meaningless concepts. The MD stepped in and said “we lost the account because we stopped listening.” Boom.

That’s how a powerful apology works. No excuses. No blame. Full responsibility.

Then everyone’s free to move on.

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